This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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