thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
