Where is the hickey?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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