i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
