Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
