to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
