sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
