I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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