I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
