I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
