pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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