Me. At least after what I've been through.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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