You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Success! We fucked roommates!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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