You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
