If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
