i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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