I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
