You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Dignity is for republicans.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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