The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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