would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
