Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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