The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
