How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
