Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
