he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
