I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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