I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
