some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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