the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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