there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
