he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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