Hey man sorry I got all grabby
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
