so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
