he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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