What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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