If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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