i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
