Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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