my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It's official drugs can't kill me
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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