Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
