I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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