I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
