We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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