im drinking this country out of the recession.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
