just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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