Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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