I need help removing her.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
