you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
