why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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