idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just high enough for therapy.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
