just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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