I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
