She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
