White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
