he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
