I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
