that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You took a bar mat shot.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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