Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
