Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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