currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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