I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
