1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i drank out of a bidet.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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