did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
