i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
