i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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