just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
