ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
