I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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