Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize