If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
