You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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